First dose of antimalarials means time is drawing near!

Well, here it is. We all took the mefloquine yesterday, some crushed up into applesauce, others with a swig of water. In 5 days' time we will (karma-, God-, universe-, whatever else-willing) settling into the surgery house in Lilongwe, Malawi, to be called home for the next 11+ months. I'm currently equal parts excited and terrified, which everyone ensures me is fine, but which is a difficult state to handle. Normally I deal with things like this by running around like crazy and adding more projects to my plate but that's not possible right now so I try to deep breathe instead. It's not really working too well.

The kids miss home, their friends, their pets and their normalcy. Overall they're handling the travel like champs, but my daughter has recently confided she's scared she won't be able to make any friends there. My older son fears being eaten by a crocodile. Only the baby doesn't know any better so he continues to smile and gurgle and beam at any stranger who smiles his way.

Am I doing the right thing for my family? This question makes it hard to sleep at night. Should I have considered this prior to committing to this crazy venture? Sure, and I did, but it keeps coming back. I chew the cud of worry and second guess this decision because what hangs in the balance holds both great opportunity and great potential difficulties, and only the living of the experience will tell which one wins.

But I've always regretted the decisions I made out of fear, and never the ones I made out of hope. This felt like the right thing to do from the very start; I still remember sitting in the Grand Rounds presentation by the two women who'd gone before me and thinking "that's going to be me, I'm going to move hell and high water to make sure that this is going to be me." And I'm so grateful to everyone who's giving me this opportunity, and so amazed at my husband, who continues to support this crazy adventure. So I think this will turn out to be awesome-and I will continue to hope that I'm right.